i know i am a useless person, even i got a feeling also not dare to speak out to my friends.sometimes i just pretend that i am fine and nothings problem trouble me.
that is a big lie in my life, i lie myself the feeling, l lie my friend that i strong enough...
i know when i wrote out this sure got people ask me what happen to me...
Our conversation really got problem, although i speak so many times to you,i hope you will change a bit, don't be so 自我 or what so ever....
i felt that i really tired...i want to focus on my study stuff...
actually this time the result not satisfied to me, the CGPA only get 2.77...
WHY I GET SUCH BAD RESULT?? i don't care? is it i really don't care??
nope...i had already do the things that i can do...who call me time was always not enough???
i need to help my parents work, do some housework, and assignment too...
people was don't understand me and i also no need to explain so much to other cause even i explained also useless one...they are not same family with me, every peoples come from different families, and experience sure got some different.
i try to comfort myself that if i can do more in a short time that can prove my actual...
but that is really tired to me...how old am i?? i am 20 years old only...
when i look at the mirror i find myself failure...this 2years totally change me a lot...
i become mature? or become cold blood? or become older?
all the negative emotional poured into my mind...
this few day i saw a lot of things that i had never seen it before...
some is about "he", how to said? when i look at the photo...
first, i got a bit sad,dunno why...
second, i clam my mood very fast, cause that is not my problem already...why i still had to care this kind of things?
now we are just friend, a simply friend ,normal friend or stranger?
the hates was gone, the love was gone, but the memories still there...
if got a day we meet up, they will think my brains was change a lot...my talking or my thinking also
my best sister ruping also got realize that before she went to taiwan for study,we chatting and my talking was totally different with the time when i study secondary school... is it cruel ? i don't care other feelings anymore, i hates to fall in love with peoples and i hates couples walk in front me...i scare to have a relationship too...
the scar is big and stay inside my deep heart forever...i hates the things call LOVE...
he tells me, my thinking was wrong, this is not fair to he...i tell he, i didn't force he stay beside me, i didn't want to have a relationship too...but cannot deny that he treat me good in sometimes...even i tried to keep the distance,not to care you,do myself things...
i hopes every year have a trip go outstation with my dear sister them, can relax my mind drink some alcohol and speak out the sadness things in previous year =.='
i know i am not a perfect girlfriend, previously not, now also not...
that is why i get abandon with the 1st love and i scare to have relationship too...
today i wrote so much things i just want grumble out not want to make anyone feel unhappy...
i know you will read this writings too...don't so mind if u was read finished...
